Wonderland

Chapter Six

She wrung her hands in a nervous gesture when she turned to look at the two men in her life that she actually gave a damn about...her best friend and partner, who had always rescued her from the darkness and the man she knew she shouldn't but couldn't stop loving. She was afraid of sinking into the darkness that once swallowed her whole...but she also knew that lives could depend on what she did next. She couldn't tell them everything...she wouldn't tell them about the worst of it...but she could start with the questions they were asking.

"Lauren was my partner before John came into the picture...we were roommates...When I first joined the FBI, I was lonely and bitter and she saw through that...somehow she was able to break through my defenses and because of that, she's dead."

"You know that's not true," John said.

"John, she took me in when I had nowhere else to go...she was killed as a message to me. If I hadn't been living with her, she would still be alive."

"You don't know that anymore than I know that Caitlyn would still be alive if I had done things differently. I get guilt Nora. But you have to stop burying yourself in it."

"How do I do that when there is so much that I did wrong?"

Tears started to burn her cheeks and Bo knew instinctively that there was something she wasn't telling. "This isn't just about your best friend's death is it," he questioned?

"It's about the reason I'm on suspension...or at least I was until John intervened."

"Are you still blaming yourself for that too," John asked?

'How can I not John...I was plastered. I had no business being anywhere near a case that important. If I had been alert than that little girl...she would still be alive...and you...you never would have gotten shot. How can you even stand to look at me right now?"

"We all make mistakes Nora...I've made my share of them...Bo's made his too..."

He gave him a knowing look, both of them knowing he was referring to his decision to walk away from Nora.

"Damn right I did," Bo agreed.

"But neither of your mistakes cost an innocent child her life...cost your best friend to take her last breaths as she lie dying in your arms...how am I supposed to live with that kind of guilt? How?"

"I don't know Nora...but you need to try...I went to bat for you in this case...but you need to snap out of this trance you are in...I'm not saying get over it...I'm saying put it in the back of your mind until we catch this killer...I need your full focus to be on the mind of a madman...can you do that?"

She took a sip of the water that Bo handed her and sighed. "I can do it. Nobody wants to catch this guy more then me. You can count of me."

"I know I can," John said, as he pulled her into a tight hug. "You are my best friend okay...I care about what happens to you...don't let the darkness swallow you again."

"I won't," she said. "What's next?"

"Do you have any idea who might want to hurt you," Bo asked?

"You mean other then you," she asked, and then regretted it when she saw his expression? "Sorry, bad joke."

"At least your sense of humor is still in tact...most of the time."

She ignored his last comment and turned her attention on John..."There is only one person in this entire universe who hates me enough to start killing everyone close to me...the same person who started this game when he stole my son."

"Sam, " Bo and John said in unison.

"Yes, Sam...but good luck trying to find him...He's managed to stay under the radar for over ten years...I've been trying to find him since that day he took my child...I only came close once...and then I was arrested for attempting to kidnap my own child. All I wanted to do was see him...and he made sure I never got to. Do you know what it does to me to wonder how he is...where he is...if he misses me...I can't help but wonder what kind of lies Sam has told him...he probably hates me by now."

"We'll find him Nora...we will," Bo assured her.

"How," she asked? "How do we find him?"

"Have you forgotten who you are dealing with...The Buchanan's have a lot of pull here...I've never liked throwing my last name around before but I'll use that influence fir you..."

"You would do that for me," she asked?

"I would," he stated, as he walked to the phone. Nora just stood there dumbfounded. How could this be the same man who left her broken and alone a decade before? Just when she thought she had all the answers, life threw her another curveball.

"Who are you Bo Buchanan," she wondered aloud. "Are you this great man who is willing to jump through hoops for me...or are you that cold hearted bastard who broke my heart so completely? Why do you have to leave me so confused?"

"Haven't you learned by now that love never makes sense," John said with a knowing grin. She threw a file at him in frustration.

"Great to have you back Sparky, " he said, before walking out the door. She could have killed him for leaving her alone with Bo...and that damn perfect smile.